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TVR Chimaera 4.0 - Report 005 & New Arrival - Jaguar XKR
"I’m pleased to report that the dials now don’t work, the boot popper still doesn’t work and it’s been five days since I forgot all about my shopping which is currently growing a new type of mealworm in the boot carpet"
Total Mileage - approx 82,500
(the clocks are broken again)
Expenditure - £250
ersonally, I consider the people who say TVRs are unreliable idiots. It’s an attitude that has kept me sleeping soundly even during this turbulent economic time, right up until the point my boot-popper stopped working. Now this you may see as a minor issue – I can’t access my yellow sticker groceries and the hoarded 45 pence Fab lollies are melting at an alarming rate.
However, I was at an Esso garage, and in order to put fuel into the car it requires me to pop the boot lid open with the aforementioned boot lid popper. You can possibly deduce that I’m at Esso for a reason – I need fuel, my noble steed has run out of go-faster juice. But I can’t actually access my horse’s hole to fill it up again… And I was cursed with being a man which means I have a flippant at best attitude to refuelling and because I only have 1.5 GCSEs I bought a TVR which are notorious for wildly vague fuel estimates.
So I’m flaccidly jabbing the boot popper button on my key (the one under the dashboard has never worked - hark) knowing full well I can either get home, fix it, and return. Or my horse collapses halfway home. Happily, I’m a member of TVR South Wales Car Club, so I sent an SOS and got a message about a secret way to open the boot (you have to reach up under the rear bumper, disconnect the active-aero system and push the air con pipe out the way, then press a secret button).
I’m now back home, so naturally the first thing to check is the fuse. I looked it up in my owner’s manual - there should be a 10 amp fuse in slot 16. So, I pull out the 20 amp fuse in slot 16 and the fuse is fine. Bother. Using the secret method developed by TVR's tantric oriental turbo fellatio department I get the boot lid open again and take out the Ford-branded popper.
The actuator assembly looks fine and there’s no evidence of fire. I put the fuse back into the fuse box. Only it doesn’t go back in, I can just about jab it into some sort of semi-embolual rocker switch position. And the popper works fine, making a satisfying James Bond gadget noise. Somewhat satisfied, I put it all back together and hope for the best.
And I’m pleased to report that the dials now don’t work, the boot popper still doesn’t work and it’s been five days and I forgot all about my shopping which is currently growing a new type of mealworm in the boot carpet.
But anyway, TVR niggles aside I also had to put on some new tyres (Uniroyal Rainsport 5s – apparently the best to stop you dying in anything other than warm and dry weather) the steering column has developed some play and the outriggers have grown some surface corrosion so that needs attention.
Happily however, the TVR has a new friend; I bought a 2008 Jaguar XKR to use as my new daily driver to take the burden off the TVR. Those of you who have been with us from the RUSH Book of Genesis might remember I originally wanted one of these during the Covid years, but because no one wanted to deliver (dealerships) or let me collect (private) I sulked and started looking at TVRs.
Naturally there was an eccentric lunatic in Bath who was more than happy to do car buying discussions and the bastard sent me a video of the TVR idling, so I immediately arranged a viewing, bought it without actually negotiating a price and then I’m on the Severn bridge, scared, confused but fully erect in my childhood dream car.
The Jaguar is an absolute cad of a car, it tricks you into believing it’s a soft, comfortable GT by allowing you to do 110 mph on the autobahn in Germany and I genuinely believed I was still doing 70. I figured it would be a nice, soft, wafty way to travel with the Inspector Morse soundtrack on the splendid Bowers & Wilkins 87 speaker setup, but it turns out it does downshift blipping and wants to kick its ass out at every opportunity without an LSD. The power delivery is strong, with the Ford branded Eaton M112 supercharger and the 4.2 AJ-V8 engine working together to deliver seamless thrust and a wonderfully judged soundtrack. It really is a lovely way to travel.
But it hasn’t all been plain sailing with the Jaguar, as I will explain in my next update on life with two icons of British motoring on my driveway. That's if I don't die from a penicillin overdose from eating a Fab lolly beforehand.
ersonally, I consider the people who say TVRs are unreliable idiots. It’s an attitude that has kept me sleeping soundly even during this turbulent economic time, right up until the point my boot-popper stopped working. Now this you may see as a minor issue – I can’t access my yellow sticker groceries and the hoarded 45 pence Fab lollies are melting at an alarming rate.
However, I was at an Esso garage, and in order to put fuel into the car it requires me to pop the boot lid open with the aforementioned boot lid popper. You can possibly deduce that I’m at Esso for a reason – I need fuel, my noble steed has run out of go-faster juice. But I can’t actually access my horse’s hole to fill it up again… And I was cursed with being a man which means I have a flippant at best attitude to refuelling and because I only have 1.5 GCSEs I bought a TVR which are notorious for wildly vague fuel estimates.
So I’m flaccidly jabbing the boot popper button on my key (the one under the dashboard has never worked - hark) knowing full well I can either get home, fix it, and return. Or my horse collapses halfway home. Happily, I’m a member of TVR South Wales Car Club, so I sent an SOS and got a message about a secret way to open the boot (you have to reach up under the rear bumper, disconnect the active-aero system and push the air con pipe out the way, then press a secret button).
I’m now back home, so naturally the first thing to check is the fuse. I looked it up in my owner’s manual - there should be a 10 amp fuse in slot 16. So, I pull out the 20 amp fuse in slot 16 and the fuse is fine. Bother. Using the secret method developed by TVR's tantric oriental turbo fellatio department I get the boot lid open again and take out the Ford-branded popper.
The actuator assembly looks fine and there’s no evidence of fire. I put the fuse back into the fuse box. Only it doesn’t go back in, I can just about jab it into some sort of semi-embolual rocker switch position. And the popper works fine, making a satisfying James Bond gadget noise. Somewhat satisfied, I put it all back together and hope for the best.
And I’m pleased to report that the dials now don’t work, the boot popper still doesn’t work and it’s been five days and I forgot all about my shopping which is currently growing a new type of mealworm in the boot carpet.
But anyway, TVR niggles aside I also had to put on some new tyres (Uniroyal Rainsport 5s – apparently the best to stop you dying in anything other than warm and dry weather) the steering column has developed some play and the outriggers have grown some surface corrosion so that needs attention.
Happily however, the TVR has a new friend; I bought a 2008 Jaguar XKR to use as my new daily driver to take the burden off the TVR. Those of you who have been with us from the RUSH Book of Genesis might remember I originally wanted one of these during the Covid years, but because no one wanted to deliver (dealerships) or let me collect (private) I sulked and started looking at TVRs.
Naturally there was an eccentric lunatic in Bath who was more than happy to do car buying discussions and the bastard sent me a video of the TVR idling, so I immediately arranged a viewing, bought it without actually negotiating a price and then I’m on the Severn bridge, scared, confused but fully erect in my childhood dream car.
The Jaguar is an absolute cad of a car, it tricks you into believing it’s a soft, comfortable GT by allowing you to do 110 mph on the autobahn in Germany and I genuinely believed I was still doing 70. I figured it would be a nice, soft, wafty way to travel with the Inspector Morse soundtrack on the splendid Bowers & Wilkins 87 speaker setup, but it turns out it does downshift blipping and wants to kick its ass out at every opportunity without an LSD. The power delivery is strong, with the Ford branded Eaton M112 supercharger and the 4.2 AJ-V8 engine working together to deliver seamless thrust and a wonderfully judged soundtrack. It really is a lovely way to travel.
But it hasn’t all been plain sailing with the Jaguar, as I will explain in my next update on life with two icons of British motoring on my driveway. That's if I don't die from a penicillin overdose from eating a Fab lolly beforehand.
