Alfa Romeo Junior - The Crossover formerly Known as Milano

At first glance, it’s hard to see the issue. The B-segment model retains the brand’s signature shield-shaped grille, which can either feature the Alfa Romeo wordmark in classic script or a close-up of the Milan cross and serpent from the badge, depending on trim. Maybe it’s the narrow, multi-segment running lights, with their LED strip and triple-stacked signature? I think they’re nicely done. And those cloverleaf-style wheels, whether three or four-spoke, look epic, so it can’t be them.

I asked Craig for his take on the exterior styling.

“I don’t actually mind the serpent-infused grille,” he said, “but the retro one is a hard pass for me. It just looks unbalanced and clashes against the futuristic headlights – like a statement is being made rather than something cohesive.”

I see where he’s coming from. But I’m still not sensing full-scale outrage. So how about the interior? Any common ground to be found there?

The two-piece Sabelt seats look excellent, complete with a cutout beneath the headrest that mimics the Alfa Romeo shield. The logo is stitched into the material, and it’s matched by a pair of 10.25-inch displays – one angled for infotainment, the other sitting behind a small-rimmed multifunction steering wheel.

The outer air vents feature a cloverleaf design with an illuminated snake on the adjuster dial, and there’s generous use of microfibre across the lower dash, seat inserts and steering wheel.

In the back, there’s a three-seat bench with two ISOFIX points and a 400-litre boot that Alfa claims is best in class. It’s a thumbs up from me, especially with the filament-style red lighting tucked into the instrument shroud.

Time for Craig to weigh in again:

CT: “I appreciate how Alfa Romeo have at least integrated the touchscreen into the dash rather than just plonking it on top. It’s the air vents I don’t like – they remind me of the Toyota GR86. Sharp, rectangular, totally at odds with the cowled binnacles and the rest of the swoopy interior. The seats look smart, but again – why does such an unsporting car need buckets with slots for racing harnesses? Give me proper tan leather and stitched Italian craftsmanship. Don’t try and sell me the illusion of a sportscar.

I just don’t think it has that timeless elegance you expect from Alfa. It’s like Gucci’s had a sneaky hand in it behind the scenes. I know I’ve said before – as Alfa’s CEO himself put it – that you’d buy a supercar or a supermini from Alfa Romeo, but this crossover? It feels a step too far.”

Valid points, again – but still, no mob. So maybe the issue isn’t what you can see, but what lies underneath?

The new Junior sits on Stellantis’s e-CMP2 platform, making it closely related to the Citroën C4, DS 3 Crossback, Fiat 600, Peugeot 2008, Jeep Avenger and Vauxhall Mokka. As such, it shares the same core powertrain options.

That means a 134bhp 1.2-litre three-cylinder mild hybrid is the only piston-powered version – available with either front or four-wheel drive. Two electric variants are also offered, both using a 54kWh battery. The first gets a 154bhp front-mounted motor already seen in other group EVs, albeit recalibrated specifically for the Alfa.

The launch flagship revives a familiar badge: Veloce. This top-tier model gets a 237bhp motor up front, paired with a Torsen limited-slip differential, stiffer anti-roll bars at both ends, and suspension dropped by 25mm. It’s the same running gear found in the new Abarth 600e – and while the extra punch will likely reduce the range from a best-case 255 miles, 100kW DC charging means you’ll get a decent top-up in around half an hour.

So, is it the platform-sharing that’s rubbing people the wrong way?

CT: “It’s the fact that deep down, we all know it’s the Abarth 600e. It’s cynical badge engineering at its finest – a car born by committee rather than that old Alfa magic of designing something wonderful first, then figuring out how to build it, because it’s such a wonderful thing, no?”

Now the rage is starting to make sense. But if it’s not the styling, the interior, or what’s underneath… what’s really stirred all the noise?

It’s the name.

You might’ve noticed I’ve avoided it since the quote from our Morgan piece. That’s because the car formerly known as the Alfa Romeo Milano was – with some haste – rechristened Junior.

Why? Well, the Italian-designed model from an Italian manufacturer, with the name of an Italian city (which, helpfully, is in Italy), is due to be assembled in Poland. Which, of course, is not Italy.

Eastern European factories have been building well-made cars for years, that’s not the issue. The problem is that the Italian government takes a dim view of products with Italian-sounding names being built elsewhere. It’s a bit like how only sparkling wine from the Champagne region of France can legally be called Champagne, or how sausages from the Newmarket area – provided they contain at least 70% belly or shoulder – can call themselves Newmarket sausages.

Since changing the name is cheaper than relocating a factory, and irritating your government tends to be bad business, Alfa Romeo quietly ditched Milano in favour of Junior, a name pulled from the back catalogue. It was something of a PR misfire, and I imagine the person in charge of checking local naming laws has since been exiled to Gloucestershire, doomed to spend their remaining career making Single Gloucester – a cheese which can only bear the name if made in Gloucestershire, from the milk of Gloucester cows.

With the dust now settling on this surprisingly controversial Alfa, let’s recap where we are.

It’s a Vauxhall Mokka-sized SUV that rides on Stellantis’s e-CMP2 platform, the same one used by a handful of group siblings, but it carries a healthy dose of Alfa design character, both inside and out. It re-enters the segment vacated when the MiTo disappeared in 2018. You can have it with petrol or electric power, and a faster Veloce version is available from launch.

Prices are expected to start below £30,000 and rise to over £40,000 for the Veloce, leaving room, potentially, for something sprightlier still. A cloverleaf badge wouldn’t be out of the question.

Here’s what Craig thinks: “There’s a massive, traditional market niche opening that’s primed for Alfa Romeo to swoop into – yet they’re following trends instead of marching to their own beat. They’re jumping on the crossover bandwagon at the expense of the Giulia, a car that finally cracked it by beating the BMW 3-Series as the driver’s choice in the segment... then they pulled the plug.

If this thing was funding a Giulia GTA coupé, a Competizione flagship, or a new Spider, I’d accept it as a necessary evil – like the Cayenne was for Porsche. But it’s not. The brand is as Italian as Juventus FC and Nonna’s secret ragù recipe... and yet even the Italians rejected the Milano. It’s just all so Alfa that it hurts.”*

I hear you, Craig.

As for me? Well, the new Alfa Romeo Mil—sorry, Junior – brings charisma and bold design to a segment that’s rarely accused of either. It’s more visually arresting than most of its rivals, and if it drives half as well as the 237bhp Veloce spec suggests, Alfa may just win over a generation of buyers who’ve never had a true Alfa-shaped option in this part of the market.

They may have fumbled the name, but if they get the rest right, it could be the car that keeps the badge alive long enough to put it back on something truly great.